Just before we left Australia, I met up with a friend and, in between us chatting about where to get nice kids clothing and feeling like we needed to move outside because the children were messing up the cafe, we both found that we were questioning ourselves. As mothers, as wives, as people who wanted a career.
Lately, I've felt like I am attempting everything at a 50% capacity.
I want to take photographs, both on a personal and professional level because doing that makes me feel happy, but is that selfish? I did choose to be a stay-at-home mother.
I want to breastfeed but I am at a point where I know it has run its course. I am exhausted. Mason still has at least 3 breastfeeds through the daytime and through the night, is nursing almost endlessly (Thank you, Teeth). I don't believe I have had over 3 hours of consecutive sleep in the last 5 months. I am working on a whole other post regarding my breastfeeding journey with Mason.
In other ways, I feel my body fails me some days. It functions, but not to it's fullest ability as a woman. But there's another place and time for that story.
Suffice it to say I have enjoyed these last few weeks. I haven't spent too much time thinking about anything. I am mama to a charismatic toddler. I chase him around and feed him. I lie down for afternoon naps with him. I don't worry about much. I am just his mama.
I get my camera out when I feel the urge. I go for a walk if I want to. Sometimes, I have a slice of cake just before dinner.
I let go of my thoughts on what things should be like, and just accept what they are for the moment.